From Busy to Overwhelmed
A client I heard from recently was trying to figure out how to get everything done that was on his plate. “This is all stuff that I want to be doing and is important, but there are just not enough hours in the day to do it how I want to do it.”
We have a friend who recently had a baby. They were in a place that is familiar to all parents – how do I maintain the same level of excellence at work when I now have this other piece of my life that takes up all that wiggle room where I used to get things done?
Listen around and you will hear a huge number of people who report being really busy and overwhelmed. And it is no wonder that you feel this – we get all kinds of messages from our culture to do more and do it more quickly, and that if we’re not doing enough we are slackers and we will not be happy.
Being busy has become a status symbol.
Have you lost touch with these qualities of peace and perspective?
It used to be that life was more like a meandering mountain river. Mountain rivers have a consistent flow. Sometimes the flow is slow and deliberate, almost as if the water is taking a deep breath, looking around, and enjoying the moment. Sometimes the flow is fast, intense, and powerful, as if the water is ready for some excitement, learning, and exploration. Sometimes there are waterfalls; and sometimes pools where an eddy creates a meditative trance; and always just below the surface are things to discover.
Today life feels like running the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.
I think I am right about this: Rivers are rated on a scale of 1 to 5. One is something like our mountain river. Five is for experts who have lots of experience handling big water. The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon has it’s own rating system. It is 1 to 10. It is not a river for everyone.
But it gets the most attention and it creates a standard, and it is a standard we judge ourselves against. And it is the same way being busy has created a standard that we judge ourselves against.
The story goes something like this: people who are successful (and cool) are busy. They get a lot of stuff done. They are able to manage the overwhelm, somehow. I am not able to manage the overwhelm. But, I am going to try, because if I figure it out I will have made it and I will be cool too.
How do you prepare yourself for when something fun turns into big trouble?
When you raft, kayak, or swim a rapid it is exhilarating and fun.
Until it’s not.
When the power and unpredictability of the water takes charge the experience very rapidly becomes scary and out of control. You enter in to a fight (sometimes for survival). And you feel helpless and at the mercy of the raging river. It is dangerous, out of your control, and you have no idea where you will end up.
Now, this next point is probably really obvious. This is absolutely the worst time to create a contingency plan. Swimming a rapid, hoping to get your next breath is a bad time to create a rescue plan, discover what is around the bend and how long you have to hold on, or where your help will come from.
When you are in a panic and scared for your life, making plans and thinking clearly are difficult, duh. But, it is important to know that this is exactly what your brain does; it downshifts into survival mode. Thinking is out the door – no planning, organizing, or thinking ahead. Your brain tells your body to do anything and everything you can do to survive the immediate circumstances.
How often to you use the 3 steps that help you navigate big trouble?
People who know rivers and have experience, know to scout the rapids. Every time. They know how read the water. They learn which rapids to walk around and which ones to go for, and whether today is the day to go for it. They can manage the exhilaration with perspective so that they match their ability level with the challenge nature has put before them today.
If you do not scout the rapids, know how to navigate the waters, and know how to manage emotions you can find yourself in some really serious circumstances.
Are you prepared to swim the rapids of busyness?
Being busy and overwhelmed is like trying to navigate the Colorado River without the expertise. It is so tempting to feel like we “should” be playing in the Grand Canyon – doing everything on our plate (and those additional things people ask us to do) with a high level of excellence. It is so easy to get sucked into the belief that the only way to be successful and happy is to swim in that river. It seems sexy and cool.
It’s like we are distracted and have forgotten that there are other places and ways to play. All the gifts of the meandering mountain river and all the learning and satisfaction that also exist there seem insignificant and/or are not in our consciousness.
Do you remember all the falling down it took to learn to walk?
Lets look at the 3 steps that help you navigate big trouble:
- Scout the rapids – perspective
- Know how to navigate the rapids – know your abilities
- Manage your emotions – self-awareness
Before you become excellent at doing something, you have to start doing it. When you start it you will not be very good. It will take time. It is critical that you find the appropriate level of challenge for your abilities – don’t jump into the Colorado, begin your journey in the cold mountain river.
You will need to resist the temptation to want to be more/better/further than where you are.
Being busy is about having a full plate of things you care about (and some your do not care about). Full plates combined with wanting to be successful lead to overwhelm. Overwhelm leads to not growing the skills and excellence that are necessary for you to create the foundation for the life you want.
- Perspective – Get out of the river. Stand on the bridge and assess the situation. What do you really care about? What is really important? What is your plan? What do you say no to? What do you prioritize? How are you going to handle the things that are not a priority?
- Know your abilities – what is your honest assessment of where you are in the process? What do you want to learn? How can you learn it? What are your strengths? What is the best river for you to develop your skills in?
- Self-awareness – What matters to you? How do you escape “should-ing” on yourself? How do you handle the excitement and sexiness of more and find meaning with enough?
Here is the deal I want to make with you: focus on doing one thing better in your life in the next month. One thing. Your evaluation is not going to be based on everything, it is going to be based on the one thing you choose to work on. But, I expect courageous and steady progress on that one goal.
Listen to this again: Permission is granted to not be perfect and to not do everything. You get to measure how good a human being you are. Be realistic with yourself. And then be honest with others.
In other words, scout the rivers, evaluate which is the right river for right now, communicate your plan, strap on your life jacket, and 1-2-3 Lets Play!
Time to Evaluate and then Repeat
Next month the view from the bridge over the river will look different. It will offer an opportunity to assess the situation; if conditions are right, you can build on your one thing. And building on it will look like this: continue the development of your first goal, and learn how to incorporate the next step while maintaining your proficiency in the first thing.
As the journey continues, then by the end of the year, you will have some new skills and an idea of whether further development is needed in those areas, or if you can continue playing the building on game.
Again, the tendency is to expect to do everything. Doing everything can be exhilarating and fun. Until it’s not.